my essay.

last nite ain a great night for me.
slept @ 3+am..
recent nights've been this late. and i dun noe why.

seems like everythin is so sensitive to me now.
and i dunno should i take it to heart a not.
he said i was a spendthrift in e evening.. and imply i was useless @ the later part.
she said i dont belong to this family after all.

it's silly to be thinkin of such things..
normally if i've pms, i'll be brooding over such things and next day, everythin'll be well and fine.
but this time, i dunno wads happening.


spendthrift?
am i really one?
judgin from friends around me, some do spend alot and others save & scrimp like hell.
i'm always on budget.
don't hope for lavish restaurants for my meals, dont go for branded clothes to cover my naked body, only 20+bucks for my feet.
i'm even lazy to put on cosmetics and wear contact lens to beautify myself! lenses 're costly.
not to say abt carin for my hairdo. juz a few rounds of brushing and off, i can leave my hm.
no need moisturizer every night to apply for a baby skin.
no special SK-II mask or other facial necessities to achieve fair facial complexion.
no finger-painting, nail polishes on toes.
owned less then 10 pairs of earrings. dun even look out for it when i'm shopping.
only watch a movie per month when it's at e cheapest rate, currently $7.

phew~
it saddens me more.

so, am i a spendthrift?


useless.
mayb i am.
7 weeks of holidays and i chose not to work but to slack at home.
always cant do well in guzheng.
nv excel in assignmts & tests.
not good with social circles, friends r'ship.
who actually knows me well? even desmond don't. and i hate him for dat.


doesnt belong to this family.
i dun speak to my siblings.
haven had a conversation that last for 3 mins for erm, 1+yr wif sis, and all this life wif my brother.!
not to say i'll speak up to my parents.
mom is always business-mind. no money no talk?
onli thing she's happy is only when she dock my pocket money for wadeva reason.
dad isnt a good speaker. yea he's handsome and meant me well most. but he's shy to talk..
my aunt? only cares how revealing i wear. prob is, my dressin aint revealing!
v-necked and she'll go naggin. but usually, i dun even give her a damn. conservative is e only word to describe her.

happy family is one like des's, i think.
even though there've quarrels, they always make up the very next hours.
always goes out as a family.. everyday've conversations..
and they know each other well. know their likings for what kind of food, blah blah..

wad abt mine?
ask wads my favourite past-times and nobody knows.
no one cares even if i step out of the house.
if it's my sis, my granny'd stand by e door/window and see her leave, until her back view diminished from her sight.

so, i dun think i belong to this family.
i need to pay for my own things. books, bags, laptop.
my sis? her near-to-200-bucks graphing calculator she also can claim money from parents.
moreover, she worked and her pay was good while i was then up @ centre with the miserable pay.
for me, if u don't bug me, leave my things alone, i'll be happy.
and dats the lifestyle i'm leading-in my own world.

last night after she said it, i almost wanted to stop watchin my tv prog and pack my bag, laptop and clothes to leave hse that very night.
my thoughts were, mayb i can stay @ hougang wif ling. and work to get my pocket money.
but i dropped the idea when my show reached its climax. =.=''




it's a reflective and touching essay.
i think i got an A.